2011!
2011 I was surviving by a string as a lot of changes occurred and I moved a lot. I do not blame others for choices I made but if their was ever a year where I had fallen into a very awful cycle of sin it was 2011. If I could take any of it back I would. I get told I am too hard on myself sometimes and maybe those people are right. But I should have been harder on myself at times and I guess I am just dealing with the regret.
2011 was a rolla coaster I had started it out working as an overnight stocker. That position robbed me of good health, Confidence,A social life and was so physically demanding that I would be crying in pain or vomiting every night. February 11th 2011 I quit that job and I am glad I did because it was abusive. When I did quit I found this amazing Church and became extremely involved. (Revolution Church of Lakeland).
I was job hunting when I wasn't at that church but I found no results. I lived 4-4.5 miles from a bus stop and all I had near that house was a few gas stations and a dead shopping center with no jobs available. For the first few weeks of job hunting I walked the 4 miles to look for a job and sometimes even 6 or 7 but then after walking that distance back I realized how hard it was to walk 9-14 miles a day for work and that it wouldn't be something I could keep up.
So I stopped walking all of that for job searching and focused on looking in newspapers and all the search engines. I only got called for sales type jobs and office type. The problem with the sales jobs is it is 100% commission and the problem with the office jobs at that time is that they were all on the other side of Lakeland,FL and the bus schedule would not accommodate that type of job because I would of had to take 2 buses.
I didn't not have anyone who could take me to and from work everyday except for women who had 6 children from the church I was attending. I couldn't expect them to give me rides all of the time when they have children to take care of. I didn't want to leave Florida it was a really hard decision but I was stuck in a place that I couldn't get around easily without a car. I also at the time had a friend helping me with driving. We just didn't find the time to get me to take the behind the wheel test. I was left with 2 options either live off some stranger until I found another job or live in a shelter. My sister couldn't keep me living with her 1. She couldn't afford it and 2. My niece needed her own room.
After visiting the woman's shelter I broke down and prayed to God about what I should do and I didn't find an answer right away but I had called my Aunt to ask her if I could move back to Colorado if I couldn't get a job. She said yes but I was frustrated with the thought of leaving Florida so I told her I needed time to pray about it. Well when one of my friends died Barbara Ann Hansard. Her life was a testimony to me that I needed to take a risk with my life instead of just being stuck. I prayed to God some more and then made the decision to move to Colorado. I also, came to the conclusion that Florida never had anything for me without a car I always felt one step behind from my full potential. I also lived a dark sinful life the whole time I lived in Florida. When I left Florida it wasn't to run away it was to move forward with my life.
When I moved to Colorado I thought that all my friends would be there still and they were just not for me. I don't however blame them. They were busy and I didn't have a car. Some of them didn't have a car also. I did make a few friends through church and almost had a boyfriend though. The guy moved away to the only place on this planet that I refuse to go and that is Grand Junction(that is a whole different story I wont get into) so it didn't work out. The friends I had made from church though all were married and had kids. So they were too busy to hang out and were also older than me.
Also, when I moved to Colorado it was hard being there with some family without my other family. I remember crying the first week about missing the rest of my family. Anyways, my aunt and uncle started helping me with my driving right away and when I wasn't job hunting I took long nature walks on these beautiful trails in Firestone. I also dedicated myself to lots of exercise and reading. I was doing everything in my power not to focus on the negative stuff. But I was lonely and the past started to slap me in the face as I started to go through emotions I had blocked out for so long. It was good for me to be back in Colorado so I could heal from those hurts and give them to God.
Since, I left Florida I had thought about my life in Moberly, MO and my friends and I really missed the town. I just kept thinking maybe Missouri is not for me either. But I had plans before I left Moberly to be a missionary in the town when I visited to go to Commencement for my Associates I felt sad I couldn't stay. Well, I got a great Job with Dish inside Blockbuster in Firestone,CO and I loved the job but it was not enough to stay plus living in Colorado was so expensive and I was tired of trying to make new friends when I knew in Moberly I already had friends from College. I was happy to also get my license in Colorado but I didn't feel like it was good enough to stay. Plus I had made the decision to move back to Moberly before I got my license.
Well only a month of 2011 was spent in Moberly Missouri and it has been awesome having my friends around and I have been stressed about the no job thing but I believe that I can get one eventually and I have been searching really hard. This last week I was sick and stressed so I slept a lot which was much needed. I really like Moberly and have been happy.
2012!
My roommates and I rang in the new year watching "The Walking Dead" Awesome zombie show! At 1am I went to bed then I went to church which was also awesome! It was on Revelation 22 :-) Nothing better than ringing in the new year than talking about the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ :-) After Church, I went and got some food and listened to Demon Hunter,Skillet,Thousand Foot Krutch and Lifehouse on my Mp3 player. I also signed up for E harmony but got annoyed with it so I logged out and don't really care to log back in. God will provide the perfect man for me at the right time and right now is possibly not the right time. That's fine I don't mind being single anyways because then I can just focus on getting my life in order.
Here's a list of things to accomplish in 2012:
1.Serve God in/out of church (I'm signed up to help with Team Kid the children's program Wednesdays,and helping with the babies on Sunday mornings and special events like "Parents Night Out")
2. Get involved in a bible study (I'm planning on attending the ladies bible study coming up unless i get a job that prevents it)and keep going to church.
3. Keep a relationship with God and keep developing it.
4. Job (one that helps me accomplish 5, 6 and 10)
5. My own Apartment or house to rent (Whatever is cheaper)
6. A car
7. A healthier lifestyle (Maybe I'll actually drop to 154 lbs)
8. Be there more for my friends/family
9. Build a higher self esteem
10. Go to College for my Business Certificate and/or Bachelors of Religious Studies.
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