Because Of You!

      So my ex from a very painful 2.5 year relationship just accepted a friend request I dont even remember sending tonight. Anyhow,I never thought I would be the type of girl to get cheated on. Well I just found out I was cheated on... It does kindof sting that it was the real reason why he was trying to get me to break up with him that day but all in all I actually convinced him to break up with me because I could tell he really wanted too. Especially when we went to a mall and he kept making comments about how fat I was and how he belonged with someone like Bella from "Twilight" . I should of known that he was cheating on me at the time. You want to know something odd though? I was so jealous back then, that he was the one to break up with me. I should of broken up with him... We had no chemistry. He saw everything wrong with me and I saw everything wrong with him. (the only difference is I never left his side but he sure left mine).

I thought that I had loved him like a soul mate. But In reality I didnt love him like 1Corinthians13 I loved him as a friend and I thought we could of stayed friends after we broke up. Because we were friends on and off while we were together when we werent fighting about our differences.Well not only did that not work out but he  tried to get back with me and that whole time he was with someone.I found texts. I know I  was stupid to betray someones privacy and I apologized to him for it but I had found texts of him and another girl saying "I Love you" and other stuff"  he had lied to my face about being with this girl.  Anyways, when he did accept a friend request I dont remember sending I saw that he has a kid and a fiance now so kudos to him but I will not be friends with him...

Now,I dont normally blog about others but this was really aggravating to me. I will keep names out of this to protect there Identities though.O and what is it with ex boyfriends??? Just a month ago I had another ex from the past ask me to move in with him. Of course I said NO! He had his chance and he blew it a long time ago. Well, he used his ex girlfriends phone and she called and chewed me out... She did apologize to me when I explained to her I want nothing to do with him. This ex also has a kid and is another loser...

Attack of the loser Exe's :-P So glad they are no longer in my life! Im better off without them! Because of them though I wonder if their is a better guy out there for me? One that doesnt cheat or lie. One that doesnt have an anger problem or an alcohol addiction. One that actually likes and loves me.  Because of them I am afraid to date anymore.

Besides not to be critical but I see marriages I thought would never fail. Fail. and it just makes me wonder if their is such thing as a strong marriage that lasts forever. I really hope that my friends who have gotten married will last forever because they may be the only hope I have that I can find a good husband someday....

I have days where I am really happy to be single and then their are others where I really miss having a boyfriend. I have always depended on a relationship to make me happy up until this last year at least. When I have realized that I need to keep my identity when I get in another relationship someday I need to stay connected to who I am and who God made me to be. Its so easy to fall head over heals and lose yourself in the other person but I think that you need to keep your identity and strive to still have a side of individuality. I dont ever want to be with someone again that I rely on for everything and not have my likes and dislikes. I still will want to be able to do things on my own.

Their is this Married couple I know and they are a team but they also stay true to their own Identity. To me they are a perfect example of "Marriage" They bicker at times but its healthy and its never a blown out fight.

 I want to be friends with the next guy and just let it develop into a relationship if their is chemistry. No more jumping into relationships like most of my relationships. And I think that dating is overrated because then your nervous and uncomfortable and you over think things or end up moving things way too fast. So im thinking a good friendship then a relationship is the best way to go. When I see all my friends who are married at least I see that  a lot of them that started out friends.